Unfortunately, children and people in abusive, co-dependent relationships may have to suffer the manipulation and hate of toxic family. If you don’t fit those categories, this article may be for you!
For the sake of this piece, toxic family are blood relatives who demean you, uncompassionately criticize you, assassinate your character, use or extort you (emotionally, financially, sexually), or otherwise unjustifiably make you feel like shit.
What Toxic Family Does to You
Frankly, they can ruin your mental well-being and distort your perception on healthy relationships. I have spent a lot of time weeding-out family who judge me without reason, spontaneously attack my character, or otherwise make me feel like garbage for no reason. And you know what? It’s difficult, because this is your family. In an ideal world, they may disagree with you, but they should support you and show you love.
The worst part for me: it brings out my ugliness. Embarrassingly, this week, I decided to emotionally engage with family who made presumptions about my intellect; with family who have been absent for years, then suddenly decided to criticize my opinion; with family who decided our healthy personal relationship of several years was worth sacrificing to “take her sibling’s side.” And I got nasty. I have not been that nasty in years, and I’m embarrassed of my behavior…
Here’s the compassionate truth: they’re battling their own mental demons. I’m sure that uncle is facing insecurity in his own critical thinking process. That cousin’s absence, when confronted with my feelings on her absence, may be feeling guilt. The one who took her sibling’s “side” probably doesn’t want to risk feeling socially isolated. Or, perhaps, they all have underlying, unaddressed mental health diagnoses that inhibit healthy social functioning.
How do you manage these toxic relationships?
If the person isn’t receptive to civil conversation, you don’t. Get rid of them. I promise, there are other friends and family who will give you what the toxic people aren’t. If your family’s small, I promise that all you need is a few wholehearted friendships to bridge that gap of loneliness (and if that still doesn’t work, you may want to discuss the issue in therapy – no shame. Thank God I have therapy on Monday).
Here’s what to remember it’s not your fault and you do not deserve it. At the end of the day, you cannot pour from an empty cup. You must take care of your mental health, and that entails cultivating a healthy home environment and fostering relationships with those who genuinely know you and care about you.
Stressed and Caffeinated 